I’ve got a truth bomb I really wanted to share with you because everyone’s life looks to happy go lucky on Facebook and when you bump into them at the store but truth be told even the happiest of people (like me!!) have off weeks and last week was one of them.
Wednesday in particular was a rough day for me. They don’t come all that often but when they do it’s pretty hard to ignore.
People often think I’m naturally upbeat and positive.
The truth is once you get to know me, really know me, you get to see that Jenn Edden at 43 yrs old is a product of tons of mental and physical work that took years to master. And I’m still working on it.
Which brings me back to today’s reason for writing.
I woke up feeling overwhelmed on Wednesday, fat (yes I used that word), defeated, alone and tired.
My mind was scattered and all I wanted to do was to stay in bed with my warm cozy crappy feelings.
Sometimes they just feel so SAFE and FAMILIAR.
I can’t tell you how many days I stayed in bed and let those feelings run me. I mean I’m human.
And those are totally human feelings.
And growing up with depression in my house from BOTH parents just made it feel well, kinda, ok to just lay there and feel super down.
After all you truly become what you watch and hear growing up. And man oh man did that run me for years. I saw it from not one but both parents. So I’d usually follow up my less than happy go lucky morning with a Starbucks Frappuccino and a scone to help make the morning better so I could just function at work or in class.
This. Is. What. I. Did. Forever.
Like. Forever.
The thing about that Wednesday that is so different from all those days I would just lay in bed and sit with those feelings is that I GOT UP ANYWAY despite my less than chipper attitude.
I GOT UP.
Decided immediately I was going to be bigger than my feelings and just “work my routine” without putting thought into it.
♥ I booked an Exercise class.
♥ I cried when a felt an emotion come up.
♥ I reached our for support from people who I know get me and have my back ( I’m not alone!!)
♥ I gave myself permission to slow down and not work work work all day.
♥ I went shopping for my kids quick.
♥ I made myself a power packed greens protein shake.
♥ And I wrote this post to reach all those who have these days but feel well, alone.
Truth is that the reason I created all my positive habits for all these years was not so that I could look good all the time- that’s the byproduct- it’s because I know how easily I can slip into having depressed thoughts given my childhood- so on days when I feel those depressed thoughts creeping in I’ve got ROCK SOLID mental and physical habits that I literally fallback on.
On Wednesday I fell down…
On that same day I also caught myself!
OVER TO YOU!!
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